Help! I’m in the Kitchen! Now What?

When one first enters my home there are two signs that are immediately visible. One lists the “Cat Rules”. The second is quite simple – “Martha Stewart does not live here.” That being said, to say I am helpless in a kitchen is an understatement. I learned how to make a grilled cheese sandwich by asking people in a chatroom. Fortunately I always keep a charged fire extinguisher in the kitchen just in case I get to feeling domestic.

This past weekend I attempted something I have never done before, much less even thought of doing. I wanted to make some chocolate to help raise money for Relay For Life. I learned something very valuable during this adventure.

Never ever ever try to pour melted chocolate into a tiny mold using a large wooden spoon. Not only do you get chocolate in the mold, you get it on your clothes, your arms, and I’m still trying to figure out how I got it on my eyelashes. I found out they actually make bottles for pouring chocolates into molds. Would have been nice had they told me that at the store.
Funnels are necessary for pouring hot melted chocolate into little plastic bottles. If you are one of those who prefer to use the fancy icing bags may I offer a word of caution. Do not squeeze too hard or you’ll discover that law of physics that states for every action there is a direct reaction. Chocolate is very difficult to remove from your glasses once it has hardened. Chocolate hardens pretty quickly.
Never ever ever pick up a bowl of freshly melted chocolate from the microwave without using those glove thingies for holding hot things. After the third time of nuking chocolate for 30 seconds the bowls themselves tend to heat up rather rapidly. So now I have chocolate on my socks and shoes from dropping the bowl.
Do not lose your temper when trying to get the finished chocolates out of the mold. Chocolate can be very, um, bouncy if forced too hard from the mold. Especially if you’re holding it several inches above whatever surface you’re trying to get it to go to.
Chocolate can be remelted over and over and over again when you mess up. This is a good thing.
Once you get into the routine you can move pretty quickly. I was able to finally produce about 1000 whole pieces of candy. They turned out pretty well and I hear they are quite tasty. I don’t know. I’m sick of chocolate now and don’t care if I never see any more for a lifetime.

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